Opening the “Linguistic envelope”

This article is an open response to this article and its accompaning illustration (to be found later in this post). The article was found in “The Age” newspaper, issue 1/2/2009. Enjoy, kids.

To begin, I am generally more of a “Herald Sun” reader.  The age is generally too upper-crust for a inner-city teenage simpleton like myself.  When I am not busily pushing envelopes I do enjoy making fun of things. You could call it a hobby. A sick, mean, and yet hillarious hobby. Mr Mangan, please do not take this personally. Take this on behalf of your generation (and, to some degree - my generation for misleading you).

You see, Mr Mangan, when my teacher read parts of this article to my class, I was most certainly entertained. Though, to my (and possibly your) dismay, it was because of the innacuracy and generally funny way this article was written. I haven’t read any of your other articles, but I don’t suppose you write comedy? I asked my English teacher to photocopy it. Not because of an interest in the English language, but because I wanted to make sure she wasn’t making it up. When I first read this article in its entirety the only way I would let myself process it was as a parody piece. Honest to God. Then I couldn’t figure out what it was a parody of, so I drew the conclusion that you were actually serious to some degree. Wow. Mr Mangan, I salute you. I do so for one of two reasons. Both your attempt at humour and your COMPLETE EPIC FAIL.

Lets begin with this HILLARIOUS and WITTY picture accomidating  this BRILLIANT article.

Fig. 1 - Epic fail Fig. 1 - Epic fail

It appears to be some sort of index of teenager-isms featuring their definitions. I am sure my father has one of these modern-english-to-old/civilised-person dictionaries hiding away somewhere. What kind of random(adj) would take the time to document such things, though? Naturally, a ranga like myself would address these issues. I’m not sure who the random(n) TO document this in such a clever way was, (John Mangan or some other random(n) ). Whoever it was, my message to you is: UR DOEN IT WRONG.

I have never, NEVER heard anyone use the term “ceebs” before. I’m no etymologist, but I can also hear that the word probably evolved from the acronym “CBS” (can’t be stuffed). If anything, you should have used this instead of what you DID use.  “CBF” stands for “Can’t Be BOTHERED”? If I’m following correctly, I think I consider this a little pushing of the linguistic envelope, Mr Mangan. The F in CBF stands for a very versitile, yet socially offensive word. It starts with F and rhymes with duck. Do you follow? Four letters. No, still don’t get it? Let’s play some hangman.

Perhaps this dirty language is too much for the uppercrust age? Of course, a newspaper wouldn’t want to offend anyone. In that case, you shouldn’t even have included this term. Abbreviated terms only fail to offend those who don’t make the connection that a B is not an F.  Why did you decide to write an article on teenage language, Mr. Mangan? You clearly have not done enough research into your alphabet skills. This is not Obama. I would consider this even slightly Bush.

As for defining  fail, epic fail and own(pwn), from gamers and internet cultured worldwide, you, sir, recieve an EPIC facepalm. Click HERE to claim your prize. These terms are used by Warcrafters and other gamers, newfags and other /b/tards, randoms and assorted nerds. This is the jargon of a fairly small demographic, not all kids or teenagers. I also have no idea how you directly related computer games to the circulation of the term “Epic Fail”. Sure, it may have contributed, but whilst playing video games most people concentrate on winning, not coining phrases.

I’ll finish this article later guys, be prepared for a part 2 soonish.